For this last chapter of the gospel of John, I once again found myself in the in-between time as I entered the scene. By the end of chapter twenty, Jesus has appeared twice to the disciples. In the second appearance, he deals directly with Thomas and his doubts. What is missing, however, is any contact with Simon Peter. Presumably Peter was present, but there is no discussion of any interaction specifically between Jesus and Peter. If Jesus had forgiven Peter in either appearance, you would think John would mention it.
The context of chapter twenty one seems to confirm this hypothesis. Make that assumption and put yourself in Peter’s place. How frustrating would it be to have denied Jesus three times, to be truly repentant, to find yourself in the presence of the Risen Christ, and to not have the chance to reconcile with Him? Peter testifies about Jesus in chapter twenty-one, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” If Peter believed this during the two appearances in chapter twenty and Jesus did not acknowledge him, how much guilt and doubt must Peter be carrying?
It’s easy to imagine that Peter has returned to his roots at the Sea of Tiberias, in Galilee, to gather himself. When something negative happens in our lives, especially something monumentally negative, the natural instinct is to return to a place of comfort to deal with the crisis. It’s even easy to imagine that the other disciples have traveled with Peter out of concern for his wellbeing. Given what has happened, Peter’s despondency would have been hard to hide and his friends would have rightly been worried about him.
You can see this in verse three of the chapter. Simon Peter said to them, “I am going fishing.” They said to him, “We will go with you.” Peter doesn’t know what to do with himself, so he does something familiar. His friends do not wish to leave him alone so they roll with the punches. If he wants to go fishing, they will go fishing. They have no luck, but perhaps that’s to be expected. They might have been going through the motions of fishing, but their hearts and minds likely were focused on other issues given the events that have just taken place.
I have to admit that I do not have a confident explanation for Jesus’ motives. Why wait? Why not interact with Peter right away if it was still His intention to found the church upon him? It’s one of those mysterious things that I cannot fathom, which also makes it one of those mysterious things where the only real choice is to trust His judgment.
I have similar experiences in my life. There are times when my desire for Jesus is so intense it causes me to ache. For His reasons, He chooses His own time to react to my need. This scene in the gospel is perhaps a place of refuge for me in those dark times. Whatever troubles me, it likely does not outdistance the doubt and fear that Peter experienced in this in between time. For Peter, this was a time of cross bearing. For me, it is the same.
Jesus knows how much I can bear and the benefits I will experience from the bearing, even if I cannot see them in the moment. He chooses based on calculations I simply cannot comprehend.
—————————-
John Chapter 21, verse 7:
That disciple whom Jesus loved therefore said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his outer garment, for he was stripped for work, and threw himself into the sea.
Are you still with Peter in the scene? Have you been experiencing his despondency this entire time? As you dwelt in the in-between time, were you able to feel the fear and doubt associated with the possibility that you missed your chance and forgiveness may never come your way?
If so, can you empathize with Peter’s reaction to hearing that Jesus is once again available to him? Can you feel a desire to be with Him so intense that the boat cannot hold you? Are you unwillingly to wait even the few minutes that it will take to row the hundred yards to shore? Will you jump into the sea in order to not be separated from Jesus for even a moment longer than you must?
It would be more convenient for me as a Franciscan if Peter had been clothed and disrobed before he jumped. Then maybe I could draw a parallel between Peter and Francis in the scene with the Bishop and his father Pietro. I could note how Peter stripped himself of all worldly raiment in his anxiousness to be closer to Christ and then observe how Francis did the same.
But this might be better. Peter is a little out of his mind. It makes no sense to cloth yourself just before you are about to jump into the sea. All the clothing will do is weigh you down and make the swim to shore that much harder. Peter wants so desperately to be with Jesus, but at the same time, there is this worldly concern about appearances that still lingers with him. Peter remains so very human, and this is perhaps the last of what Jesus is looking to remake in him.
Imagine Peter coming out of the water and Jesus looking at him with an unspoken expression that says, “Really?” Perhaps Jesus then turns away to stir the coals in His fire, but really to laugh to Himself as Peter takes in the ridiculousness of what he has just done. And perhaps, somewhere in that unrecorded moment, something clicks for Peter that allows him to recognize and shed his worldly attachments, thus clearing the way for Jesus to go forward with His plan. Perhaps Jesus delayed precisely because He knew how this moment would unfold and what it would mean for Peter.
Whatever the motivation of Jesus, it worked. If you read ahead into the Acts of the Apostles, you will see that Peter has become grounded. By the middle of chapter two, he is giving a sermon at Pentecost. At the beginning of chapter three, he has healed a lame beggar with the name of Jesus and he is boldly preaching repentance in the Temple, which leads to his arrest (along with John) at the beginning of chapter four. The powers that be are once again confounded, but they release the two of them because the people were praising God for what had happened.
And all of this is rooted, in some mysterious way, in the intense desire Peter demonstrates for Christ by his decision to jump into the sea.
—————————-
There is a certain innocence, eagerness, and even foolishness that is present in the moment when Peter is standing on the shore of the sea, drenched to the bones, in all his clothes, in front of Jesus.
In several of the chapters that have preceded this one, I have suggested to you the possibility that Francis read a particular passage of the gospel and acted directly because of it. This scene is a little different. I don’t think it likely that Francis took some direct action because he read about Peter jumping into the sea. But I think, maybe in his later years, Francis could have looked back and recognized some kinship with Peter.
This is because Francis also carried a certain innocence, eagerness and even foolishness with him as his vocation and conversion got started.
Think about this scene from chapter nine of The First Book of The Life of St. Francis by Celano:
One day the gospel was being read in that church about how the Lord sent out his disciples to preach. The holy man of God, who was attending there, in order to understand better the words of the gospel, humbly begged the priest after celebrating the solemnities of the Mass to explain the gospel to him. When he heard that Christ’s disciples should not possess gold or silver, or money ……… the holy man, Francis, immediately exulted in the spirit of God. “This is what I want,” he said, ……… The holy father, overflowing with joy, hastened to implement the words of salvation, and did not delay before he devoutly began to put into effect what he heard. Immediately, he took off the shoes from his feet, ………
Note the eagerness being conveyed. In one paragraph, the word “immediately” appears twice, along with the word “hastened,” and the phrase “did not delay.” Compare that to the urgency that made Peter jump in the water as soon as he knew that Jesus was present.
Francis’ reaction to hearing Jesus say “go rebuild My house” is similar. Celano describes it like this in chapter Six of the first book of The Remembrance of the Desire of a Soul:
He does not forget to care for that holy image nor hesitate to carry out the command. He gives the priest money to buy a lamp and some oil, lest the sacred image lack, even for a moment, the honor of light. He then runs quickly to fulfill the rest, working tirelessly to rebuild that church. Although the divine word spoken to him was really about the Church which Christ acquired with His own blood, he did not immediately reach that level, but moved gradually from flesh to spirit.
Francis “does not hesitate.” “He runs quickly to fulfill the rest,” and he “works tirelessly” at the task. Again, the eagerness is present, but here we also see the innocence and foolishness front and center. Francis misses entirely what Jesus is actually instructing him to do. It takes a while before he figures out that it is not just the bricks and mortar of San Damiano that Jesus is telling him to rebuild, but the entire church. Again, you can picture Jesus laughing to himself, knowing that Francis will get it eventually.
Perhaps this kinship between Francis and Peter reveals a little about the intent of Jesus in making Peter wait. Remember that Jesus at one point tells Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; for you are setting your mind not on divine things but on human things.”
Is it possible that in order for Peter to truly leave behind human things, the kind of human things that led to him denying Christ, he had to pass a foolishness test?
Only in doing something truly foolish in the eyes of the world, without an ounce of regret, can one be truly shed of worldly entanglement? Maybe Peter was not qualified to lead the new church until he jumped out of that boat and then recognized his own foolishness as he stood in front of Jesus on the shore, soaking wet?
—————————-
At this stage I want to hearken back to the reflection on chapter eight. Article 12 of the SFO Rule was under consideration:
Witnessing to the good yet to come and obliged to acquire purity of heart because of the vocation they have embraced, they should set themselves free to love God and their brothers and sisters.
The discussion then was about freedom and Love. Jesus said in the verse from that chapter, “anyone who sins is a slave to sin.” The reflection concluded with the assertion that freedom is a pre-requisite of Love. If we are not free, we cannot Love, and thus the ultimate purpose of Creation, the expansion of Love, cannot be fulfilled.
Peter, when he denied Christ, put himself in a state of sin. He allowed worldly concern to undermine his relationship with Christ. He might have rightly feared that the repercussions of admitting he was a disciple were life threatening, but even so, his denials were sins.
In that state of sin, Peter was not pure of heart, nor was he free to love God as the Rule suggests.
Recall that in the chapter Jesus asks Peter three times, “Do you love me?” Peter says yes three times and ultimately Jesus accepts his assertion. If Peter is able to love Jesus at that time, he must have shed his state of sin in favor of a state of freedom.
I want to suggest to you that jumping in the sea was the action that took Peter from one state to the other. This action, whether you want to call it innocent, or eager, or foolish, or any other word you might ascribe to it, was at its core a rejection of worldly concern. No one caught up in the world would put their clothes on in order to jump in the sea. In fact, they wouldn’t jump in the sea at all. They would be too concerned about the danger of drowning, or catching cold, or the way others might react.
But when Peter took that action, none of those things crossed his mind. His only concern, his only desire, was to be reunited with Jesus as quickly as possible, consequences be damned. In that moment, he separated himself from the world in a way that became life changing, and in doing so, he gained a level of freedom that he had never possessed up until that point in time. That freedom allowed him to answer with an honest “yes” when Jesus questioned him about his love.
Now, recall the end of this section of the chapter. Jesus tells Peter “when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.” And John adds, in parentheses, “This He said to show by what kind of death he was to glorify God.”
During the Passion, Peter sinned against Jesus by denying Him because he was afraid of the “kind of death” that might result. Jesus has now informed him that he is going to experience that kind of death anyway. This time Peter does not shy away. He does not sin and deny Jesus again. Instead, as Jesus requests, he “follows Him” despite being told of the hard outcome that awaits him. He now belongs to Jesus completely, even to the point that he is willing to give up his life for Him if that is what his commitment requires.
The freedom to love and follow Jesus without reservation empowers Peter completely. He is only able to preach, and to heal, and to defy the Jewish powers that be because he is no longer a slave to sin, but instead free in the Truth and Love that is Christ.
—————————-
Francis was similarly empowered by his innocence and eagerness and foolishness and the freedom they engendered. Recall this scene, referenced above, from chapter six of The First Book of The Life of St. Francis by Celano:
When he was in front of the bishop, he neither delayed nor hesitated, but immediately took off and threw down all his clothes and returned them to his father. He did not even keep his trousers on, and he was completely stripped bare before everyone.
If you can, think back to the very first time you heard this story. Did Francis’ actions seem entirely foolish to you? Did you think to yourself, I would never do that? If you are honest with yourself, is your first reaction to Peter jumping out of the boat the same? Is that something you could never see yourself doing?
It’s hard to imagine anyone less concerned with the opinions of others than Francis was in this moment. His conversion to a life of Spiritual Poverty represented a total rejection of worldly concern and this was his public affirmation of his intent. Just as it did for Peter, the conversion of Francis moved him from a place of sinfulness to a place of freedom. Francis, like Peter, became a gifted preacher and a person capable of miraculous healings. Peter led the church at its founding. Francis was called to lead the rebuilding of a church that was, to quote Jesus on the San Damiano crucifix, “all being destroyed.”
Different men for different times, but definitely kindred spirits both empowered by the freedom that comes from rejecting the world in favor of loving Christ in a way that the world can only see as foolish.
—————————-
The question that confronts me now is how to live into this?
If I am a follower of Francis, and Francis is marked by such a love for Christ that he tosses aside worldly concern to do the Will of God without a second thought, how do I respond in similar fashion?
Am I willing to do the equivalent of “throwing myself into the sea” or “stripping myself completely bare” in public in order to confirm the preeminence of Christ in my life?
We have come to the end of the gospel of John. There will be one more reflection in the form of a conclusion to bring things full circle. We can revisit what we set out to do at the beginning, summarize the major themes that emerged, and talk about how to stay emerged in the gospels going forward.
But when I look at the questions above, I have to acknowledge that, at least for me, I have a long way to go. I can affirm to you that I have never come close to throwing myself in the sea or stripping myself bare in public. Nor do I feel particularly ready to do such things despite the many graces that came to me during this Journey through John.
I have to confess that at the end I do not see myself as appreciably more disconnected from the world than I was when I started. I am more aware of what Jesus taught about worldliness and the need for separation, but to truly achieve results would require a change in lifestyle that I am not sure how to achieve given the perceived constraints of my secular life.
It’s curious and interesting and mysterious that the end has turned out to be no end at all. This last reflection has not tied things up neatly, but instead resulted in questions that I am feeling unprepared to deal with.
But I suppose that is, in and of itself, a Franciscan outcome. Article seven of the Rule does say this:
United by their vocation as “brothers and sisters of penance,” let them conform their thoughts and deeds to those of Christ by means of that radical interior change which the gospel itself calls conversion. Human frailty makes it necessary that this conversion be carried out daily.
I still need a tremendous amount of interior change in my life before I am ready to jump out of boats or strip myself bare on the square. My frailty remains ascendant in my life. As a Franciscan, I must acknowledge that my conversion will likely never be complete. There will always be unanswered questions and goals that require my daily attention.
But perhaps words like penance, radical, conversion and frailty suggest a little about what the next topic in formation wants to be if I am to continue to progress toward the goal of “perfect Christian love” that I undertook on the day of my profession.
—————————-
Perhaps, as I come to the end of this Journey thru John, it is appropriate to revisit all the words of beginning that I spoke on the day I made my profession:
I, Timothy Short,
by the grace of God,
renew my baptismal promises
and consecrate myself to the service of His Kingdom.
Therefore, in my secular state
I promise to live
all the days of my life
the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ
in the Secular Franciscan Order
by observing its Rule of life.
May the grace of the Holy Spirit,
the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary
and our holy father St. Francis,
and the fraternal bonds of community
always be my help,
so that I may reach the goal
of perfect Christian Love.
That goal of “perfect Christian Love” is eternal.
Peter strove for it. Francis strove for it. All those who achieved the honorific of Saint throughout history strove for it. In order to achieve that goal, they “set themselves free to love God.” (Again, Article 12 of the Rule, above.) To become “pure of heart,” they abandoned all their worldly concerns in order to be free and thus able to love God wholeheartedly.
For me to do the same, I must embrace the work of Penance and Spiritual Poverty, which ask me to turn my face completely and unconditionally toward God, leaving all earthly worry behind, just as Peter and Francis and all the Saints did. To the extent that I succeed, the conversion I experience will be radical, capable of empowering me to overcome the frailty of my human condition.
My embrace of Penance and Spiritual Poverty is likely to be incomplete. Therefore, it is necessary to pursue these principles daily. Peter and Francis both went through long periods of doubt and distraction before they ultimately succeeded in their quest to make Penance and Poverty integral to their daily lives. All Saints have lived through such experiences in the pursuit of this goal of “perfect Christian Love.” (If you doubt it, read The Confessions of Saint Augustine!)
Worldly authority will inevitably see this pursuit as foolish. “Such a goal is simply unattainable! It is too hard! It is impossible! It cannot be done! Think of all the good you can do if you master the ways of the world! You are powerful! You possess the wisdom and strength to embrace the world and serve God at the same time! It is better to focus on life in this world, enjoying what this world has to offer while you can! Your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil! You will not surely die!”
Worldly influence did everything it could to distract and dissuade Peter and Francis and all the other Saints from their goal. There is no reason to think it will not do the same with me.
Above I asked, how do I live into the example of foolishness that Peter and Francis set for me?
The gospels, in their entirety, are meant to teach me the courage it takes to embrace that foolishness. They are meant to teach me that in the end the foolishness of the Saints is not foolishness at all, but instead it’s very opposite. The foolishness of the Saints is Wisdom.
Do I have the strength and the courage to accept that Truth and live into it?
Do I have the strength and courage to “jump in” and follow not the foolishness, but the Wisdom of Peter and Francis as this Journey thru John concludes and I determine how to take the next steps of my spiritual development?
OFS Ongoing 